Thank you so much, Deeba, for this interview!
My journey to find my voice has been a long one, not just in writing, but also in life. Beginning in high school I took on this mindset that my dreams were impossible. There was a staff member who questioned my abilities to attend college. So despite graduating from high school with honors and having some great teachers like Mrs. Shirley Pyke (one of my favorites) who believed in me, I didn’t have any faith in myself that I could pursue my dreams. I really didn’t pursue anything until I basically stumbled into this field when in college some five-years later. Having said that, it was still a long time finding my voice as I had really low confidence and a bad case of imposter syndrome. I didn’t even know of the term (imposter syndrome) until a few years ago when I was asked in an interview and was like, “wait, what…so this is a thing, I’m not the only one!!!” That was life changing for me to be honest. Circling back to your original question, my voice was there all along but it wasn’t until I got my confidence that I knew my voice. Exercising these creative hats gave me my confidence in time. This progression has continued and now I am more aware of it. I feel like I have more recently (through writing my upcoming novel “Hate”) seen my writing become much more of an inward reflection which undeniably is more reflective of my true voice. “Hate” is deeply personal for me as I’ve had to work out my own feelings about death, sexuality and social injustice. In short, I would say, it was much like a Mr. Miyagi experience; where you don’t really notice what you learned until it’s time to fight that fight…or shall I say….write.

I think I got the courage from being inspired by the boldness of others before me. I had seen the Robert Evans film “The Kid Stays in the Picture”. In the film (which is based on the book by the same name) Robert speaks candidly about mistakes that he had made, and even checking into a psych ward. I remember being some what a we struck that someone at his level – who ran a major film studio was so vulnerable. Let’s face it, he could have hidden it, and talked solely about his successes, and maybe talk about other people’s failures. But he didn’t, he faced the public head on and spoke about his regrets, and his loss of control, all of which really inspired me. I remember thinking how much he had impacted me as mental health still has that stigma, and even more so back then. I wanted to impact those struggling with depression and regret through “Penholder” much like Robert Evans had impacted me in his “The Kid Stays in the Picture”. To your point about storytelling, writing Penholder helped me to better understand the other side of the table. By that I mean, I have been blessed to interview people over the years, and writing Penholder helped me to appreciate what it takes to be vulnerable and to be sensitive when I do interviews.

I would say the first thing is don’t sacrifice who you are for commercial success. People can see through it, and you won’t last. Focus on finding your voice and staying true to yourself. Build with the vision of sustainable long term growth.

I feel very privileged in that I got to learn the craft of writing more from a practical standpoint than through traditional. Though film scripts are written very differently, they still hold the same narrative plot, and I had the opportunity to comb through numerous scripts over the years that have laid in part some of the foundations to how I write. Film also brings with it the idea of how an actor’s role may resonate with the viewer. Actors often go to great lengths to get into character and I actually took from what is called method acting to write a scene in “Hate”. Lastly from a marketing standpoint, I have seen what happens when the right components click into place – things like budget, timing and distribution.

So the idea behind the book came after hearing that Dolores O’Riordan of The Cranberries, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, and Chris Cornell of Soundgarden had died, all within a six-month window of each other. Speaking strictly as a fan, it broke my heart. Here were three people who had achieved greatness, and inspired millions including myself, but beneath the surface they were hurting and broken people. And now here they are…gone. I remember one comment from a friend really angered me. He said that it was “okay to make fun of celebrities because they’re public figures”. We really need to remember, celebrities are human too. I tell people that I began the book as somewhat of a way to work out my own emotions. It was here that I knew that the book was going to be talking about death. I wanted to bring emotion into the book and so I tried using the idea method acting to get into character to tell a painful story. I basically knew at that point my basic story arcs, and from there it was just a matter of weaving a net to capture the story from intro to climax.

I would say, without a doubt, it was the humility each person displayed. It’s something I encounter repeatedly, yet it still surprises me when someone allows me into their world and makes themselves vulnerable

So if I was to give a textbook answer it would go something like this, “one needs to compartmentalize one’s thoughts and create a daily schedule to accommodate time for writing bla bla bla.” But that is easier said than done. These need to come about through a series of small and manageable lifestyle changes. To be honest this is something I still struggle with myself at times. If I can use writer’s block as an example, it’s like when I get sick, each time I forget to be stocked up on cough medication and almost need to make a note for myself, because it would truly suck if I died from a basic headcold lol. In the same way, writers block untreated could be the death of your legacy! So I think we need to have certain procedures in place to help us get back into writing – things such as
music, setting, etc.

Don’t let discouragement win, pursue your dreams and most importantly have fun.